We only had one child, my wife often had miscarriage that’s why when she gave birth to our daughter, we made sure all attention is on her. I could say that we treated her like a princess, never set foot on soil, and wore silk socks to prevent insect bites. She grew up to be a fine lady, but she left us to purse medicine. She left us too early with nothing but our almost empty house.

One day my sister in law visited us with her 2-month old grand daughter, she told a story that ended up leaving the baby with us. The child is very sickly, maybe because she isn’t taking her real mothers milk, and care. During her early years  she almost died of high fever, but survived. We didn’t notice that years had already passed by. I made an audio recording while I was putting her to sleep, I asked what song she wants me to sing and she said Lupang Hinirang, I laughed really hard. At a very young age, her humor is already been odd. As far as I can remember, she already sleeps alone in her room and prepares her own breakfast, even for the fact that we always had a house help, she hates waiting. Seldom will you find this child in one place; she’s always moving and running around like a puppy.

I always have her on my side, because she hardly ever complains. I taught her to ride a bike and she surprised me with only few instructions. She runs up to me when I go playing tennis, she is notorious for taking away balls that lands in her corner, and I beat her for that. When I am repairing something- auto or house fix, name the tool and she knows it, from pliers to vise grips, up to the soldering lead that she enjoys consuming until the tool tip is busted. She never played dolls, or watched fairy tales; she would rather construct her own kite and fly it outside than comb a doll’s hair. If she needs something she waits for me at the door and takes my shoes off, and socks, and sit on my lap. She definitely asks when she needs something, not the type who will wait for others to guess. I remember how I comb her hair when she first went to kindergarten, until now she keeps the same hair line, combed leftwards. When I drop her to school riding a bike with side car, instead of me driving, she is the one peddling with me on the passenger side. She hates school; she made excuses like being sick just to stay home, play, and sleeps on her assignments that I always ended up finishing. Maybe it was my fault because I didn’t tell her that sometimes it’s good to be on top, I only told her that she only needs to learn how to read, write and count changes. But I put a small library in her room, I also let her receive the books that I ordered by mail, she always look forward to the freebies. Our hometown, more than 20 years ago takes 8 to 10 hours to be reached from Manila, but I am proud to say that I managed to have new books and magazines every month. I never scolded her for not being academically gifted, but I was never afraid that she’ll grow up stupid and senseless. I believe she read all the books that I bought, than me.

I am waiting for her to settle down and see the grandchildren but I never heard her speak of it. When she was in college she showed me a boy’s photo and made fun of it that he’ll make her cry- and I was right. Maybe she’s scared, or she lost her balls maybe from climbing summits or in one of her skin dives. We are quite used to her leaving the house knowing only how many days she will be away, no details, I’m sure she know what she’s doing and so far she gets home with no injury.

Maybe she really is the son that I never had.

About ten years ago I cling a lot to ideas, beliefs, things and routine, but being with grown-ups I learned how to quite a bit- change the attitude which are not healthy. But how do we recognize if one thing isn’t right? Because of philosophers and the ever increasing words in the dictionary- people would call and say that it is subjective. It all depends on one’s values, and their values being based from their environment and upbringing. If most of us would just listen to people who are wiser, people who base what they say on their experience, not from others idea or theory- this is only possible if you are open-minded.

From experience, most people won’t move if everything’s okay- they are in their comfort zone. Sandeep told me about it two years ago, and from then on- I’ve been conscious of the things that indeed putting me in my comfort zone. The idea sounds stupid, because the reason why we work is to be comfortable- do not confuse the two. Media also has certain effect to people socially, everywhere we turn there’s advertising, you will never notice that while soaking in their ideas- you lose your own identity, you submit yourself to them and then they sell.

You never notice that:

• You wait for an email an average of 4 hours per day
• You spend 3 hours browsing networking sites
• Waste 2 hours waiting for someone to text or call
• Watching your favorite show on TV or online for 2 hours each day
• 2 hours is spent smoking with friends and colleagues
• Spend more than 2 hours on the mall thinking about what to buy
• You spend an hour trying to figure out what to eat
• An hour to choose what to wear plus your entire regimen before that

I am currently listening to Grahame’s band The Intermission, line says: “or you just get older and find more and more people to blame…” – Glenn Rosborough

HEAVEN

1. rain
2. island sand
3. when im not hurrying
4. when mom and dad laughs
5. <300ms latency (ping reply)
6. talking to my super soulmate
7. deep sleep after meditating
8. waking up early in the morning
9. forgetting my mobile phone at home
10. seeing people with a heartfelt smile
11. sittin at the backseat just being a passenger

HELL

1. PMS
2. arguments
3. crowded places
4. procrastination
5. looking at a liars face
6. >1000ms latency (ping reply)
7. poor restaurant service
8. capitalism and cannibalism
9. misplacing things (very rare)
10. people who push their personal beliefs to others
11. when i hear other people breathe or sigh or tisk loudly

Helen Fisher- tagged as the Darwinian matchmaker performed extensive research on “romantic interpersonal attraction” which is now being used by a famous match making site run by IAC. I saw her article on a commemorative magazine to celebrate Darwin’s 150th anniversary of Theory of Evolution, it suggested a site where you can take a quiz and find out about your personality.

So here’s my result:
The following analysis is based on your responses to our questionnaire. Your results identify your major and minor personality types, as well as the types with whom you’re likely to be compatible.

Your Major and Minor Personality Type
Characteristics of all four personality types can be found within each of us, but there is almost always one personality type that is dominant. We call this the major personality type.
The Chemistry Profile also identifies your minor or secondary personality type. You exhibit some aspects of this personality type, though not to the same degree as with your major type.

I don’t see it as an issue if people acquire knowledge more than what they need, the problem is when- once you have it you get stuck. You may identify how people did it, but their ability is different.  Resources are available to maximize learning, but not everyone absorbs the knowledge to develop a real ability. And when we try seriously, we learn that we cannot do it how we imagined it to be.

Take this example- before I learned how to identify colors or letters I am already exposed to tuning instruments- strings, air and even how to mix and balance equalizer (can’t recall how many times I got electrocuted). I don’t excel in music and art classes so I ended up not getting formal lessons in it. But when I hear a beautiful tune, I don’t stop until I play it well. I have a major problem with audience, see- I still don’t have the ability. They call it performance anxiety- I will soon be hitting a year mark immersing myself with musicians, I don’t expect if this is going to repair that ugly part of me but I know it will help.

There are times you just think about this. What have I done in my life? I do community service, I donate in small parts, I try to share every day- but do I need a legacy to have an achievement? I met and heard people say I understand, I understand, say the right things at the right time, but still many of them lives without achievement. I can’t be thankful because I’m young, but I’m thankful I met few of them.